Saturday, October 16, 2004
I'm Still Happy, But Dang!
No... No, no, no. I'm going to blog about how depressed I am again. Lol. For once I'm content for more than 24 hours. This room is great. I have my peace of mind, my piece of quiet. I have nice neighbors who have invited me out to dinner and later to a "tea party." I'm not naively, obliviously happy. I know there are plenty of screwed up things out there, but I'm surprised by the way I'm warding off my depression knowing that if I wanted, there are plenty of things to bring me down.
But dang though. While I'm floating on Cloud #9, it seems to be raining on all the people beneath. I had dinner tonight with a friend of mine, hmmm we'll call her Lindsay, that I met first semester last year in my writing seminar. We stayed in touch second semester last year as we were together in the same gigantic Intro Chemistry lecture, and this semester, we bumped into each other around the first week of classes. With no classes together anymore, we bonded over ranting about how miserable we are in our dorms and how insanely busy we are (as Destiny's Child would put we've been "losing our breath" and can't seem to catch it LOL).
Anyway, dinner, tonight. She was ranting and complaining, and she was just on overdrive, y'all. "Lindsay, I know things are bad, but are you going to be OK? Is everything OK?" She continued to rant and all of a sudden she blurted, "my mom has breast cancer." Oh baby... This girl has been carrying a heavy burden and finding other things to complain about to cover it up. But this was it. She let the secret out, and there would be no holding back. She told me how her she and her sister would complain to their mom about their problems, not knowing the whole time that their mom had a problem bigger than all of theirs combined. She found out about it this past week when she went back for fall break. Her face turned red when she told me she found a bottle of chemotherapy medication before her parents told her what was going on, and she was shocked. And then, her red eyes started tearing when she told me that all of her mom's beautiful, long hair had fallen out...
Shit, shit, shit. I gave her a big hug.
Walking home from dinner I ran into another friend who was standing outside one of the dorms. She was dressed in shaggy, puffy clothes with a hoodie over her hair. She was sitting outside on the cold stone stairs surrounded by plumes of cigarette smoke while stuffing Sun Chips into her mouth. "What's going on?" I asked after I heard her shout my name. She wasn't looking too good, and so it wasn't very surprising when she blurted, "I'm depressed and feeling shitty."
"Well, speak on it," I said. "I just finished having dinner with a girl who just found out her mom has breast cancer, what's your story?"
"Shoot, my issues can't even compare," she said, embarrassed to complain.
Well, what Number 2 is worried about is boy problems, among other things (like the fact that she's stuck in a small town with not much to do). Well not really boy problems, she's hooking up more than she can handle, but she's realized that's not enough. She's getting a little attached to the boys she's spending time with, but they always seem to leave right before she wants to get a little more serious than making the bed bounce. Oh all the drama. She deserves better, but then maybe she has to be putting herself in better positions? I.E. Positions that don't involve being mad-drunk in a party at 3 a.m. surrounded by horny boys.
Well, when I'm not caving, it seems like the world around me is and I'm the only one on solid ground surrounded by sinking souls. It's complicated, and I have no answers. This is why I started this blog. Back to the song " There's Gotta Be More to Life" by Stacie Orrico, which inspired the title of this blog, she sings about chasing out the temporary highs. So we ride the waves high, and we dip really low. And when the water is calm and safe, we think it's "boring." What I want to find is something more amidst that mundane so I don't need to go chasing out every temporary high to satisfy me (or dip into deep lows when I'm too chicken to "get high").
Well, maybe that's enough philosophizing for one night. I have to wake up at 7 a.m. for work tomorrow! Yes, I now have two jobs... Busy, busy.
But dang though. While I'm floating on Cloud #9, it seems to be raining on all the people beneath. I had dinner tonight with a friend of mine, hmmm we'll call her Lindsay, that I met first semester last year in my writing seminar. We stayed in touch second semester last year as we were together in the same gigantic Intro Chemistry lecture, and this semester, we bumped into each other around the first week of classes. With no classes together anymore, we bonded over ranting about how miserable we are in our dorms and how insanely busy we are (as Destiny's Child would put we've been "losing our breath" and can't seem to catch it LOL).
Anyway, dinner, tonight. She was ranting and complaining, and she was just on overdrive, y'all. "Lindsay, I know things are bad, but are you going to be OK? Is everything OK?" She continued to rant and all of a sudden she blurted, "my mom has breast cancer." Oh baby... This girl has been carrying a heavy burden and finding other things to complain about to cover it up. But this was it. She let the secret out, and there would be no holding back. She told me how her she and her sister would complain to their mom about their problems, not knowing the whole time that their mom had a problem bigger than all of theirs combined. She found out about it this past week when she went back for fall break. Her face turned red when she told me she found a bottle of chemotherapy medication before her parents told her what was going on, and she was shocked. And then, her red eyes started tearing when she told me that all of her mom's beautiful, long hair had fallen out...
Shit, shit, shit. I gave her a big hug.
Walking home from dinner I ran into another friend who was standing outside one of the dorms. She was dressed in shaggy, puffy clothes with a hoodie over her hair. She was sitting outside on the cold stone stairs surrounded by plumes of cigarette smoke while stuffing Sun Chips into her mouth. "What's going on?" I asked after I heard her shout my name. She wasn't looking too good, and so it wasn't very surprising when she blurted, "I'm depressed and feeling shitty."
"Well, speak on it," I said. "I just finished having dinner with a girl who just found out her mom has breast cancer, what's your story?"
"Shoot, my issues can't even compare," she said, embarrassed to complain.
Well, what Number 2 is worried about is boy problems, among other things (like the fact that she's stuck in a small town with not much to do). Well not really boy problems, she's hooking up more than she can handle, but she's realized that's not enough. She's getting a little attached to the boys she's spending time with, but they always seem to leave right before she wants to get a little more serious than making the bed bounce. Oh all the drama. She deserves better, but then maybe she has to be putting herself in better positions? I.E. Positions that don't involve being mad-drunk in a party at 3 a.m. surrounded by horny boys.
Well, when I'm not caving, it seems like the world around me is and I'm the only one on solid ground surrounded by sinking souls. It's complicated, and I have no answers. This is why I started this blog. Back to the song " There's Gotta Be More to Life" by Stacie Orrico, which inspired the title of this blog, she sings about chasing out the temporary highs. So we ride the waves high, and we dip really low. And when the water is calm and safe, we think it's "boring." What I want to find is something more amidst that mundane so I don't need to go chasing out every temporary high to satisfy me (or dip into deep lows when I'm too chicken to "get high").
Well, maybe that's enough philosophizing for one night. I have to wake up at 7 a.m. for work tomorrow! Yes, I now have two jobs... Busy, busy.
