Sunday, September 12, 2004
Like I've Got Something To Do
Do you ever get that feeling? My day was reasonably relaxing. I worked pretty hard, and I don't need to be up till 3 a.m. doing homework. I finished all of my pressing assignments, and now I just feel like relaxing. But I've spent at least the past half hour doing exactly that. I've reached the point where I don't really have much else to do in terms of relaxing (which, for me, usually means aimlessly surfing the net), but I can't seem to wrap it up and go to bed.
If I would go shower and hit the sack now, I'd get 8 hours of sleep. That's awesome for a day when I have to wake up earlier than usual. But I'm sitting here, and I don't feel like moving or doing much. In the back of my mind I have an unarticulated idea of something I want to do. On the tip of my fingers I'm feeling there's something I could write or some destination to click to. On the tip of my tongue there's something really great that I want to say.
But I don't know what it is, I don't know what any of those things are. So instead, I'm just sitting around and hoping that maybe, in my idleness, the biggest light bulb will turn on in my head, and that then I'll be inspired and motivated and I'll get a move-on. Or is it just the inertia of years of sleepless nights, of working into the wee hours of the morning, that's keeping me up--because that's what's normal, what's familiar?
I used to interpret these moments as moments of sheer inspiration. Like, wow, there are so many problems in this world, and now I have time, and right now I'm going to work on solving them. So I would use this time to do research, or write letters, or create brochures, or plan things. That got me into Teen People, but it's not taking me any further. Like it's time to outsmart, to reinvent, to figure out a new way to do something meaningful.
If I would go shower and hit the sack now, I'd get 8 hours of sleep. That's awesome for a day when I have to wake up earlier than usual. But I'm sitting here, and I don't feel like moving or doing much. In the back of my mind I have an unarticulated idea of something I want to do. On the tip of my fingers I'm feeling there's something I could write or some destination to click to. On the tip of my tongue there's something really great that I want to say.
But I don't know what it is, I don't know what any of those things are. So instead, I'm just sitting around and hoping that maybe, in my idleness, the biggest light bulb will turn on in my head, and that then I'll be inspired and motivated and I'll get a move-on. Or is it just the inertia of years of sleepless nights, of working into the wee hours of the morning, that's keeping me up--because that's what's normal, what's familiar?
I used to interpret these moments as moments of sheer inspiration. Like, wow, there are so many problems in this world, and now I have time, and right now I'm going to work on solving them. So I would use this time to do research, or write letters, or create brochures, or plan things. That got me into Teen People, but it's not taking me any further. Like it's time to outsmart, to reinvent, to figure out a new way to do something meaningful.
