Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Ehhhh
Today wasn't too exciting either. Actually, the first half of the day was down right miserable. I got up around 10:30 a.m. (happy I got a good night's rest), but I was bummed as hell. I woke up thinking about my friend who decided to abruptly end our five year friendship. If you haven't figured it out yet, it really bothers me. It was like bomb dropping. If someone was so upset with me or offended by me for something I never did or intended to do, then why not communicate? Try to work things out? It just doesn't make sense to me to decide to be mad at someone without letting that person even know.
I told her that I'm very sorry and that I never, ever intended to hurt anyone. On the contrary I care for her family very much and respect them a lot. She told me that she's going to side with her family on this one. Geez. I never asked her to take sides. Why do I feel like I'm being put on trial for some crime I never knew I committed?
You know, if this happened to someone I hadn't known too well, or wasn't a close friend with, I would have let it slide, for the most part. But we're talking about 5 years of a close friendship here. Five years of lots of talking, of volunteering together, of teaching each other, of going to movies and eating out together...
And you know, if I had many friends, maybe this would be easier to stomach. But I don't. I'm not very good at being social and making friends. It's hard for me to maintain shallow friendships. I have a few friends, but they all mean a lot to me. So to loose something so abruptly that I've invested so much time, energy, and emotions in for five years is really hard to stomach.
She told me that I need to talk to her sister and her mom if I ever want to have a chance to be her friend again. I need to apologize. But before I do that, she told me, I need to do some research. I need to go online and google my name and figure out what may have offended them.
I haven't decided if I'm going to do that yet or not. I tried doing my "research." To be honest, I feel really embarrassed by this whole situation. I feel this small and I feel pretty humiliated, too. I just wonder if I really deserve this?
One of my "pillars" in life has been to fight egoism, snobism, elitism, and to empower others to make a difference. To be accused of the very thing I've devoted so much of my life to overcome and fight against is like a slap in the face, a punch in the stomach, and a kick in the balls.
I told her that I'm very sorry and that I never, ever intended to hurt anyone. On the contrary I care for her family very much and respect them a lot. She told me that she's going to side with her family on this one. Geez. I never asked her to take sides. Why do I feel like I'm being put on trial for some crime I never knew I committed?
You know, if this happened to someone I hadn't known too well, or wasn't a close friend with, I would have let it slide, for the most part. But we're talking about 5 years of a close friendship here. Five years of lots of talking, of volunteering together, of teaching each other, of going to movies and eating out together...
And you know, if I had many friends, maybe this would be easier to stomach. But I don't. I'm not very good at being social and making friends. It's hard for me to maintain shallow friendships. I have a few friends, but they all mean a lot to me. So to loose something so abruptly that I've invested so much time, energy, and emotions in for five years is really hard to stomach.
She told me that I need to talk to her sister and her mom if I ever want to have a chance to be her friend again. I need to apologize. But before I do that, she told me, I need to do some research. I need to go online and google my name and figure out what may have offended them.
I haven't decided if I'm going to do that yet or not. I tried doing my "research." To be honest, I feel really embarrassed by this whole situation. I feel this small and I feel pretty humiliated, too. I just wonder if I really deserve this?
One of my "pillars" in life has been to fight egoism, snobism, elitism, and to empower others to make a difference. To be accused of the very thing I've devoted so much of my life to overcome and fight against is like a slap in the face, a punch in the stomach, and a kick in the balls.
