Thursday, August 19, 2004
More Than the Weather
This type of post might be a bit more appropriate on Dec. 31st, but since the season is about to change, and since I'm about to embark on yet another life-changing transition, I'm going to write it anyway.
You guys, this year has been weird for me. Does anybody here have any idea what 2004 is all about, because I sure don't. Quite in line with that, this summer has been weird, too. Let's talk about the weather. The weather is notorious for being weird, but this summer has ranked high on the weird scale. We usually get a good two weeks worth of 90 degree weather (Fahrenheit, y'all) or above around here, and the rest of the summer is in the high 80s. That's what it seems like to me.
But this summer has been cold. Today was down right chilly, and we're already dipping down into the mid 40s for lows. Don't believe me, though. Believe the trees. Our lawn is already coated in brown, yellow, golden leaves. Yup, green seems to have gone out of fashion quite early this year. One of trees has already managed to turn all of its leaves to various hues of yellow. Talk about a trend-setter. You just wait and see, the other ones will follow suit in a couple weeks. Just give the old geezers time to catch on.
The fact that the weather has been a bit wacky, makes me feel a little less bad about having a wacky year. It's been confusing, exhilarating, depressing, and whatever else you can toss in between. I've gone from sleeping in five star hotels for free in NYC and LA, to crashing on the couch of complete strangers in Boston. I've gone from watching Ben Affleck in movies and on TV to meeting him in person. I've won awards this year, and I've felt like the most unaccomplished, undeserving person. At times I've fought like I've never fought before, and I continued long after I lost all the energy and will-power I had; and at other times, I've felt like the only thing I can do is sleep. I've cared passionately about things till I wanted to barf, and I've been unusually apathetic. I've wanted to interact with people and make friends, and build connections; and I've wanted to say to hell with it all.
It's like I'm stuck in a limbo. I feel like I've lost touch with any sense of grasp I had on this world. I can't figure out what in the world I want to study, to be, to do. I'm fortunate enough to have seemingly millions of options open to me, and yet I want none. I like the comfort of the familiar, of staying the same, but I know I need to change.
You guys, this year has been weird for me. Does anybody here have any idea what 2004 is all about, because I sure don't. Quite in line with that, this summer has been weird, too. Let's talk about the weather. The weather is notorious for being weird, but this summer has ranked high on the weird scale. We usually get a good two weeks worth of 90 degree weather (Fahrenheit, y'all) or above around here, and the rest of the summer is in the high 80s. That's what it seems like to me.
But this summer has been cold. Today was down right chilly, and we're already dipping down into the mid 40s for lows. Don't believe me, though. Believe the trees. Our lawn is already coated in brown, yellow, golden leaves. Yup, green seems to have gone out of fashion quite early this year. One of trees has already managed to turn all of its leaves to various hues of yellow. Talk about a trend-setter. You just wait and see, the other ones will follow suit in a couple weeks. Just give the old geezers time to catch on.
The fact that the weather has been a bit wacky, makes me feel a little less bad about having a wacky year. It's been confusing, exhilarating, depressing, and whatever else you can toss in between. I've gone from sleeping in five star hotels for free in NYC and LA, to crashing on the couch of complete strangers in Boston. I've gone from watching Ben Affleck in movies and on TV to meeting him in person. I've won awards this year, and I've felt like the most unaccomplished, undeserving person. At times I've fought like I've never fought before, and I continued long after I lost all the energy and will-power I had; and at other times, I've felt like the only thing I can do is sleep. I've cared passionately about things till I wanted to barf, and I've been unusually apathetic. I've wanted to interact with people and make friends, and build connections; and I've wanted to say to hell with it all.
It's like I'm stuck in a limbo. I feel like I've lost touch with any sense of grasp I had on this world. I can't figure out what in the world I want to study, to be, to do. I'm fortunate enough to have seemingly millions of options open to me, and yet I want none. I like the comfort of the familiar, of staying the same, but I know I need to change.
