Thursday, April 14, 2005
When It Hurts
I have a powerbar sitting on my desk. Eat it, it'll give you strength.
This week so far has been intense (what else is new, eh). On Monday Bill Nye the Science guy plopped himself right beside me at breakfast. I also got approval to graduate a year early. It seems official (but ya know ain't nothing done till it's done). But along with that comes a lot of stress: preparing for life after school and doing what I gotta do to get them to let me out of here.
So for that purpose, mostly, I met with my faculty advisor today. Two and a half ours we both sat in his basement office, walls lined with books. Two and a half ours we talked about my senior project. After two and a half hours I left nervous and shaking. He ran out for a cigarette.
This when I start to get nervous. It's about breaking the rules. It's about the lives we live and how we live. The things we say and what we dream about. The things we do. It's as much about me as it about anyone and about you--yes, you, the reader. More than anything it's about honesty. The whole premise of this project is to be honest.
So no. I'm not going to concern myself with analyzing a text almost no one has heard about. I'm not gonna wax philosophical and political and cultural for 100 pages about something no one ever read. It's about what's messed up and why it's messed up. Its about among other things, how we love to box, categorize, rank, and evaluate people and the repercussions that spin from that habit. Yes it's political, cultural, philosophical, scientific but more than anything it's personal. Not just personal for me... for everybody, and yes, you.
This is why it's unique, he says.
This is why it sounds interesting.
This is why it's exciting.
And then there's the issue of honors. What's the difference? Why does it matter, I ask. My advisor smiles in understanding, and he shrugs, mumbles, it's a nice thing to have... I'm doing my project because I care about it. I'd do the same amount of work if it were honors or not. So what's the difference? Well for honors you need a committee and they have to evaluate you. Evaluate me... And why would it matter whether or not I get cum laude or magna or summa? I'm going to an ivy league school. I have a high gpa. At the end of the day does it really make a difference if I have two or three latin words tagged on to my diploma? At the end of the day, you're in an academic institution and this is how it works. We have to evaluate you somehow.
This week so far has been intense (what else is new, eh). On Monday Bill Nye the Science guy plopped himself right beside me at breakfast. I also got approval to graduate a year early. It seems official (but ya know ain't nothing done till it's done). But along with that comes a lot of stress: preparing for life after school and doing what I gotta do to get them to let me out of here.
So for that purpose, mostly, I met with my faculty advisor today. Two and a half ours we both sat in his basement office, walls lined with books. Two and a half ours we talked about my senior project. After two and a half hours I left nervous and shaking. He ran out for a cigarette.
This when I start to get nervous. It's about breaking the rules. It's about the lives we live and how we live. The things we say and what we dream about. The things we do. It's as much about me as it about anyone and about you--yes, you, the reader. More than anything it's about honesty. The whole premise of this project is to be honest.
So no. I'm not going to concern myself with analyzing a text almost no one has heard about. I'm not gonna wax philosophical and political and cultural for 100 pages about something no one ever read. It's about what's messed up and why it's messed up. Its about among other things, how we love to box, categorize, rank, and evaluate people and the repercussions that spin from that habit. Yes it's political, cultural, philosophical, scientific but more than anything it's personal. Not just personal for me... for everybody, and yes, you.
This is why it's unique, he says.
This is why it sounds interesting.
This is why it's exciting.
And then there's the issue of honors. What's the difference? Why does it matter, I ask. My advisor smiles in understanding, and he shrugs, mumbles, it's a nice thing to have... I'm doing my project because I care about it. I'd do the same amount of work if it were honors or not. So what's the difference? Well for honors you need a committee and they have to evaluate you. Evaluate me... And why would it matter whether or not I get cum laude or magna or summa? I'm going to an ivy league school. I have a high gpa. At the end of the day does it really make a difference if I have two or three latin words tagged on to my diploma? At the end of the day, you're in an academic institution and this is how it works. We have to evaluate you somehow.
