Thursday, September 02, 2004
Cycle of Frienship
She's Palestinian and I'm Israeli, probably the last two people you'd expect to see friends these days. We met sometime last year. She was living next to a girl in my writing seminar with whom I'd become friendly. Quickly after she heard my name, she asked if I was Arab. Between my dark brown hair and brown eyes and Arabic-sounding name, she wasn't so far off. But, no, I told her, my name was Hebrew. I remember the awkward silence that settled in quickly when we learned about each other's nationalities. Her lips tightened, and I could feel my heartbeat rise for a second.
But I smiled, and she smiled, and I said, "Oh well, whatever, we can still be friends." And she said definitely, and so it was. We ran into each other a couple times last year, and everytime we met she was really friendly, and we had great conversations. I don't think we ever really talked about the conflict. In a sense it was better that way. There was so much tension in the Middle East back then, I don't know if we could agree on anything. So instead, we found other things we could agree about.
A couple days after I moved back to school this year, we bumped into each other again. She was particularly friendly this time. She greeted me with a warm hug, she gave me her phone number, called be names like "babe" and "hon," and gave me a hug when we said goodbye. We've spoken on the phone twice and we ran into each other a couple times since then. It's been great.
Today, during an hour break between my classes, I stumbled into the library cafe. I was really just looking for a comfy chair so I could sit down and bust out the bagel and cream cheese I packed for breakfast. As soon as I stepped into the cafe I heard someone calling my name. After looking around for a bit, I spotted her with another one of her friends I had already met. I sat down with the two of them and we chatted for a while.
I noticed that she was wearing a pretty golden necklace because the golden thing dangling from it had such an unusual shape. It looked like a flat ship, or a disfigured boot. I didn't really get it. She kept on moving so the necklace kept dangling and I couldn't get a good view. When she finally sat still for a while, I could make out the shape of the necklace. It was a map of Israel (though she might beg to differ). Oh okay, that's nice, I thought, though feeling uneasy about it. My first reaction was to see if the Palestinian Territories were demarcated on country, but there was nothing of the sort. In the middle of the country, though, I did spot a little square. I squinted and fixed my eyes on the necklace, and then I saw it: three strips, and a red triangle. It was the Palestinian flag.
I was shocked, confused, insulted, and a million other things. So what was she trying to show with that necklace? Is she conveying that the whole country should belong to the Palestinians? Why was this a map of all of Israel and not one of the Palestinian Territories? I wanted to ask her those questions, and make her consider my point of view, too.
But then I thought, bringing up something like this would be like tearing open a healing wound and sprinkling salt all over it, for both of us. The whole conflict over there is so ugly, was it really worth letting that destroy our budding friendship? Sure, we could argue about it, and get mad at each other, but ultimately, the two of us wouldn't have the power to even make a dent in the conflict. So why let it make a dent in our friendship?
Besides, maybe, after all, in our own little way, by putting our differences aside and seeing each other as human beings, not enemies, we were doing our own little bit in putting an end to an ugly war.
But I smiled, and she smiled, and I said, "Oh well, whatever, we can still be friends." And she said definitely, and so it was. We ran into each other a couple times last year, and everytime we met she was really friendly, and we had great conversations. I don't think we ever really talked about the conflict. In a sense it was better that way. There was so much tension in the Middle East back then, I don't know if we could agree on anything. So instead, we found other things we could agree about.
A couple days after I moved back to school this year, we bumped into each other again. She was particularly friendly this time. She greeted me with a warm hug, she gave me her phone number, called be names like "babe" and "hon," and gave me a hug when we said goodbye. We've spoken on the phone twice and we ran into each other a couple times since then. It's been great.
Today, during an hour break between my classes, I stumbled into the library cafe. I was really just looking for a comfy chair so I could sit down and bust out the bagel and cream cheese I packed for breakfast. As soon as I stepped into the cafe I heard someone calling my name. After looking around for a bit, I spotted her with another one of her friends I had already met. I sat down with the two of them and we chatted for a while.
I noticed that she was wearing a pretty golden necklace because the golden thing dangling from it had such an unusual shape. It looked like a flat ship, or a disfigured boot. I didn't really get it. She kept on moving so the necklace kept dangling and I couldn't get a good view. When she finally sat still for a while, I could make out the shape of the necklace. It was a map of Israel (though she might beg to differ). Oh okay, that's nice, I thought, though feeling uneasy about it. My first reaction was to see if the Palestinian Territories were demarcated on country, but there was nothing of the sort. In the middle of the country, though, I did spot a little square. I squinted and fixed my eyes on the necklace, and then I saw it: three strips, and a red triangle. It was the Palestinian flag.
I was shocked, confused, insulted, and a million other things. So what was she trying to show with that necklace? Is she conveying that the whole country should belong to the Palestinians? Why was this a map of all of Israel and not one of the Palestinian Territories? I wanted to ask her those questions, and make her consider my point of view, too.
But then I thought, bringing up something like this would be like tearing open a healing wound and sprinkling salt all over it, for both of us. The whole conflict over there is so ugly, was it really worth letting that destroy our budding friendship? Sure, we could argue about it, and get mad at each other, but ultimately, the two of us wouldn't have the power to even make a dent in the conflict. So why let it make a dent in our friendship?
Besides, maybe, after all, in our own little way, by putting our differences aside and seeing each other as human beings, not enemies, we were doing our own little bit in putting an end to an ugly war.
