Thursday, July 22, 2004
Welcome
A little bird whispered into my ear that someone searching yahoo for "'Sierra Student Coalition' blog" found his or her way to this site. When I first learned this, I a wave of nervous anxiety rushed through me. After I got over that initial shock, my brain started rushing thoughts through my head at a million miles per hour: Why would someone search for a Sierra Student Coalition blogger? Who was this person? Did he or she find what he/she wanted on my blog? Does this person know me?
When I first started writing in this blog, I did not tell anybody I previously knew about it. I believe that most of you who read this only came to know me after I started blogging. By blogging, I hoped to break free of the "image" I carved out for myself. I wanted to tear away from the way people expected me to behave based on how they knew me. I badly needed the chance to express myself without the judgment of those who knew me.
That's exactly what I found this blog and the people who read it. I can honestly write about my life, my thoughts, my feelings, and not be mocked or criticized. The chatty, funny, encouraging comments that you have all left me have showed me that there are people who won't expect me to say what they want to hear. That has been a huge boost for me.
So there is a clear reason that I did not want to tell anybody I previously knew, be it friends, family, teachers, whatever, about this blog. I did that partially because I just wanted to get away from them, to start out totally fresh, new, clean. So when I learned about someone in search of an SSC blogger making his or her way to my site, I freaked out. It was probably the closest I ever been to feeling the way a 12 year-old girl feels when her older brother reads through her private journal. I didn't want this person, who may very well know me or be able to find out more about me, to secretly read these entries and laugh at my attempt to be truer to myself, or worse yet, spread the word to other people I knew.
I'm still a bit uneasy about this and curious to know who that person is. But I've had a night to sleep on this issue, and if this person will ever read here again, I just want to say one thing, "Welcome." Welcome to you, and to everyone in the future who may know me and who stumbles upon this site uninvited. Feel free to read through my entries. Should you find yourself wanting to mock me or burn me, remind yourself that you have better things to do and go away. It would be nice if you leave a comment in the box below to say hi, or drop me an e-mail. Better to be friends than clandestine spies.
When I first started writing in this blog, I did not tell anybody I previously knew about it. I believe that most of you who read this only came to know me after I started blogging. By blogging, I hoped to break free of the "image" I carved out for myself. I wanted to tear away from the way people expected me to behave based on how they knew me. I badly needed the chance to express myself without the judgment of those who knew me.
That's exactly what I found this blog and the people who read it. I can honestly write about my life, my thoughts, my feelings, and not be mocked or criticized. The chatty, funny, encouraging comments that you have all left me have showed me that there are people who won't expect me to say what they want to hear. That has been a huge boost for me.
So there is a clear reason that I did not want to tell anybody I previously knew, be it friends, family, teachers, whatever, about this blog. I did that partially because I just wanted to get away from them, to start out totally fresh, new, clean. So when I learned about someone in search of an SSC blogger making his or her way to my site, I freaked out. It was probably the closest I ever been to feeling the way a 12 year-old girl feels when her older brother reads through her private journal. I didn't want this person, who may very well know me or be able to find out more about me, to secretly read these entries and laugh at my attempt to be truer to myself, or worse yet, spread the word to other people I knew.
I'm still a bit uneasy about this and curious to know who that person is. But I've had a night to sleep on this issue, and if this person will ever read here again, I just want to say one thing, "Welcome." Welcome to you, and to everyone in the future who may know me and who stumbles upon this site uninvited. Feel free to read through my entries. Should you find yourself wanting to mock me or burn me, remind yourself that you have better things to do and go away. It would be nice if you leave a comment in the box below to say hi, or drop me an e-mail. Better to be friends than clandestine spies.
